Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
