no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Couch. On fire.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
