Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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