Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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