Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
