so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize