just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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