there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
