hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You are a genius and a whore.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
