idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
