so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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