well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
