lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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