I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
