I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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