Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
