Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
