Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
