I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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