What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
