i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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