Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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