the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
