Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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