My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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