You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
