you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
