Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
