I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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