I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The beer is more important than you right now.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The uberlube is also flammable
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Randomize
