I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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