My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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