Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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