just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
