Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
