he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
