Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
