Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
