I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize