I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
