I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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