I don't usually arrange sex via text message
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
