Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She's the barista slut.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
