The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
