i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
