i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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