He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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