your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
