found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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