Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
