it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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