I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
At least make sure they are 18
Why
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
