he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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