But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
