I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So much rum. So many feels.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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