Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
