Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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