:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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