he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
