she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
