Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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