Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
