Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
