I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
