how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
