I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
