We need to rekindle our bromance
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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