Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
