I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
